I realised I was far more honest than I gave myself credit for. Honesty is not about always having to always tell someone that those shoes look awful with that outfit or to tell someone what you “really” think of them or of anyone else. Sometime people do not what to hear what you have to say anyway nor when they ask you a question do they always value your opinion. Sometimes they are asking for validation and yes, sometimes people will genuinely ask do those shoes go with that dress. You got to ask what are they truly asking for here?
Though I have a willingness to share I am private and I used to think I was so private I was secretive. I knew I did not need to divulge every little detail about me nor were people entitled to my pin number and so forth because they asked. Somewhere amidst my introverted-ness I bought I was hiding something – that I was a liar….. all because alot of people did not speak the truth and the certainly did not what to hear it. So what is honesty if it is not telling the truth? Everyones truth is different.....
While having a conversation with a friend one day I could tell that they were telling me what they thought I wanted to hear in order to disguise what they had judged as vital in order to get by and have a particular outcome in their life. They were making choices you could tell they judged as wrong or that I might not approve of and SO WHAT! So what if I think they are making a sucky choice if they are happy with what they are choosing, what does that have to do with me? I could see right through it all but just pretended to believe what they were saying, there was no point in arguing over what they were choosing. I could have told the truth and said I saw right through it but would that have created more? They had already decided what they needed to do. At this moment, amidst my allowance for their choices and not being at the affect of their lies and making it about me, the floodgates opened and I could see on alot of levels where they were not being honest. The issue was not that they were not being honest with me it was that they were not being honest with themselves.
They had locked themselves up in keeping so many people happy, because that is what they felt they had to do and be an all-around nice person, do a little bit of pretend here and pretend there in an effort to control the outcome of being liked by everyone and ultimately succeed in life.
It was then I realised what true honesty might be. It was not giving away every deep and dark corner of my mind nor what I had for breakfast or telling "the truth". It was how willing was I to choose what worked for me. That I needed no one or nothing to BE my brilliance. That every beautiful thing in my beautiful life is a bonus when I am willing to be me WITHOUT APOLOGY.
Would you be willing to give up the judgement of what things should look like, the “how to” create something great and the need to have certain people or certain things in your life that you feel you need so that you might “succeed” or “be happy”?
As I looked at this amazing person before me lie to me and ultimately themselves I realised how more honest I was willing to be with myself, with my desire for change, for something different and for something greater than what was going on around me.
To be honest with yourself is not to beat yourself up for your mistakes or short comings or what you are truly terrible at and what you need to fix. It actually boils down to – If I were truly choosing for me what would I choose?
You are brilliant beyond imagination. You need not apologise for the choices you make for if you were truly being you who, what, when, where, how and why would you be? When you are willing to choose beyond the limitations of the rules, the shoulds and the controlled desired outcomes you then have the infinite possibilities of creating an awesome life that are available to you!