Do you honestly think you are the same as everyone else?
So for what reason are you trying to!
When you write on the pristine white page with your blue ball point pen with that piece of carbon transfer paper underneath in an attempt to duplicate and the writing comes out on copy page underneath, does it ever exactly look the same? No matter how many times you try to get it right it still just does not match up to your expectations of perfection. Its just a trace, it never looks quite the same. So why do you always try copy it anyway, you keep trying and trying until it matches exactly…. Would you recognize it if you matched it? Would you really, that piece of perfection you saw somewhere else? Did you just sell yourself out for someone else’s idea of individuality?
We have this most peculiar battle with individuality, we even try to be different in the same ways as others. This fear of being ourselves runs very deep. Even when we think we are being different it’s an attempt at the most minimal shock value for a double take by someone else just for them to take notice. We might dye our hair a bright colour, wear some odd clothing, get a piercing or tattoo as a declaration of your difference, have some kind outrageous behaviour. They are the obvious ones. There are others who proclaim how great they are, they let everyone know how smart and intelligent, wealthy, successful and worldly they are and there are the ones that hide in worthlessness too, yet in hiding they are proclaiming how worthless they are just so everyone knows to take notice to not to take notice of them. All proclamations of who we are…in the extreme efforts to let people know who we think we really are.
Did you notice in our effort to be different we all go about it the same way? We make these loud statements of difference and “our tribe” will get us and the rest of the world will resist us. That craving for belonging and not belonging all at once.
We seem to have a desire to be misunderstood it fuels our difference and then separates us from the people not like us…..
It humours me to be honest for we do not even recognise the brilliance we truly are, what we can truly be and create. We end up in this wrestling match with ourselves and everyone else trying to figure it all out. I gave up the fight it was like being on a hamster wheel.
I had no idea who I was and what if I was not meant to know exactly. If we decided who we were we would live by it. Where is the space for adventure in that? For me it was a way of playing small and hiding in life for if I were to live my life the way I desired it might come as a shock to myself, never mind everyone else.
That box got too small and too uncomfortable to stay in. Yet over the years I chose that discomfort over that kind of uncomfortableness that comes when you are on the edge just about to take a leap. You know that split second just before you do something exciting….. Time to take the leap!
Being the crazy, being the aliveness does not look the way you think it might, it’s not necessarily the brash visual or the proclamations of success and popularity. For me it’s the quiet stillness, the peace, the calm. That can also include the joy and laughter, more money and travel and moments of madness with the knowing that I do not need to do this, look like that, make sure everyone knows I have made it. People can still hear me, people can still see me for my desire is to just BE it and what I know for sure the popular way of being successful, admired or different never worked for me. This is a journey to see what shows up as I choose to live my life. Even I am watching this space!